Squirrel!! Post: Can You Be Too Social On Social Media?

Today's post is supposed to be Theme Park, but I'm not feeling very thematic, so I thought I'd post about a writer's frenemy, social media.

As all writers know, we are encouraged to build "author platforms" on as many social media sites as possible. For the introvert and the socially awkward, this can be exceedingly painful.

I've taken the Myers-Briggs Personality test, and at one time had a 50/50 split in introvert and extrovert. As I've grown older, I've slid more to the introvert side, but I still enjoy talking with and meeting new people. It's even better when I meet people who have the same interests I do, and that's the wonderful thing about social media. We are able to connect with people who are like us - for me it's people you might find at a Comic-Con or library event - but we don't have to go anywhere.

Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

The bad thing is that if you're socially awkward, social media can lead to Social Media Distress (SMD). SMD is the feeling that you're an idiot, have no right to interact with other people on any level, that everyone hates you and you should go eat worms.

I have identified three recurring ways I can be afflicted with Social Media Distress. 

1. Where is everybody?

The feeling you are being social on social media to only yourself. I hate that feeling! Just by joining social media sites you are putting yourself out there to be ignored. Any insecurity you've ever had is magnified the moment you send your tweet or publish your post. It's like being the new kid in school, approaching the popular kids in class, and having them turn away from you.

2. Comment Diarrhea

I'm very talkative. I've had a therapist friend explain that I'm an "external processor" and I think he's right. I have to say "it" to process it and get it out of my head. It's probably why I'm a writer. However, I've had people be unkind about my inability to shut up. I've worked quite hard at learning to read bodily cues so I know when to stop. But, guess what?

You have nothing to help you out on social media. I can't see you! I don't know if your tone of voice is going "For God's sake, why doesn't she quit tweeting me!" I have no idea if I'm coming across as friendly, like some maniacal stalker, or, if I don't tweet back, as some arrogant jerk. Couple that with an Italian Grandmother who drilled it into me that we must be mannerly (How in God's name does one end a twitter conversation without being rude?), and social media conversations can totally set off an anxiety attack.

The sad thing? I love, love, love talking with people on twitter. I've met some really interesting people, but I don't want to freak anyone out by being too friendly. Does anyone know of some kind of cue people give to let you know you don't have to respond?

3. I Really Shouldn't Have Said/Done That

A past employer said I'm guileless. Many people who know me agree, and while that's a lovely trait to have, it also means that I don't have a good filter for what should remain unsaid. Add in being an external processor, and I have trouble, with a capital T.

I know enough to not talk about the hot button topics. It's more a matter of personal transparency and self-expression. Like, I express myself poorly, and make a fool of myself doing it. The moment after I push the publish button, I usually have a flood of thoughts like: "What did I just do?" "How stupid did I just sound?" "Is anyone ever going to be able to take me seriously again?"

For me, Social Media Distress occurs because I feel misunderstood. I'm really not a maniacal stalker, idiot, or arrogant jerk. Thankfully I am not important enough for people to really get uptight, but one misstep on social media for famous people and they can really be in trouble, which I don't think is very fair.

It's taken some time to figure out how I want to use social media to augment my personal and professional life. I've focused on a few sites for different purposes, instead of trying out every site for every purpose. I've tried to relax my personal and professional expectations for social media interactions. I'm learning how to enjoy social media, instead of letting it stress me out. And, amazingly, it's working.

Do you ever get Social Media Distress?

Do you have any tricks that helped you get over it?

The Relationships of Writing - Part 2

Photo by kramkathrog/freedigitalphotos

Having joined the My Name Is Not Bob Platform Building Challenge, I've been thinking a lot about social media relationships. There seems to be two arguments going around the web.  On the one hand, writers are called to support each other and social media is all about "friends", "followers" and "tribes."  On the other hand, the legitimacy of these relationships are questioned as fake.

Personally, I don't know why it has to be an either/or kind of argument.  It seems to me that the relationships we make on the internet are what they are, no more, no less.

Although we might like the idea of writing being solitary, it has always required relationships and partnerships. A writer has always had a relationship with the reader.  Whenever I read autobiographical accounts of writers, it seems like they also had relationships (friendships) with each other.  And then they had to have relationships with their publishers and agents.

I can't imagine that writers of the past (pre-internet and pre-social media) had close relationships with all these people. The relationship depended on the need for the interaction, and probably the length of the relationship, as well.  Why isn't it the same for social media?

Just because we call someone a friend doesn't mean they are in the same category as the person we've known since kindergarten.  We define our relationships.  We make them important or not.

Social media is an introduction, an entry point for making a connection with someone else.  What level of connection is up to us to decide, no different from "real life."

I view writer's relationships with each other as similar to being on an Olympic team.  Sometimes Olympic athletes compete against each other, but they are still working for the greater good of the whole team.  We are Team Writer, and it is the nature of the business to compete against each other.  However, we can certainly have good sportsmanship.  We can help each other get better, we can make those connections, and share our success with others.

Does it have to mean we are BFF's and inexorably linked until the end of time?

No.  Not unless we want it to.

Our internet relationships are what they are.  They are a unique-unto-themselves type of relationship.  They may come and go quickly, because we don't see each other face to face.  They may lead to longer and stronger friendships, or to business partnerships.  It depends on the people behind the keyboard, and the connection that is made.

Time Management? What is that?

For some reason, after Christmas Break, I can't seem to keep up.

Before Christmas, I seemed to have time after work to check blogs, tweet, and write every night, while still acting like I lived in a family.  Now, I barely get home from work and it's time to get the children ready for bed.  I stay up late to edit, blog, or write and I turn into Mrs. Cranky-Pants.  I have little to no patience with anything (or anyone) and, as my guilt begins to grow exponentially, my husband gently reminds me (and I quote) that "You are not the kind of person who can burn the candle at both ends."  Put into Google Man Translator it means, "You need to get some sleep before I can't live with you anymore."

I am bewildered.  Where did all the time go?

Photo courtesy of Simon Howden/Free Digital Photos.net

On the other hand, does it matter where it went?  It is obvious that this lack of time is where my life is now, and if I want to meet the goals I set for myself in January, I need to adapt.

Just this week, I came across two tidbits of advice that I am hoping will get me some time to edit every day, while still remaining a happy human instead of an exhausted, frustrated, uber-cranky writer.  Since I haven't been able to get any writing done this week (including any productive brainstorming for blogging ideas) I thought I would share these tidbits with you.

The Magic of Google Reader
For the longest time I kept hearing about Google Reader, but I didn't understand the time saving applications until this week.  One of my biggest frustrations with blogging has been the inability to keep all the blogs I follow in one place.  I signed up for WordPress blogs by e-mail, but it takes forever for each blog to load that way.  I also had to go into several different applications just to read and support my favorite bloggers.

Then, lo and behold, I learned on Rachael Harrie's blog how to use Google Reader to categorize the blogs I follow into folders such as "Campaigners", "Favorites", and "Life List Club".  This saves time because I can easily identify the blogs I want to read at any given time.  But, the best was yet to come.

Last night I finally figured out, through Google Reader, how to subscribe to the RSS feed of WordPress blogs.  I have everyone in one place!  WordPress and Blogger are nestled together in Google Reader, living in peace and harmony.  So, Life List Clubbers and Nina Badzin, if you noticed that I unsubscribed the e-mail function of your blogs today, it's because I have your RSS feed coming directly to Google Reader.

The Magic of Buffer
Also last night, I read a fabulous blog post by Michael Hyatt, "How to Become a Twitter Ninja in Less than 30 Minutes a Day".  In the post, he related that he uses Buffer in Google Chrome to schedule tweets and/or share blog posts that he thinks his twitter followers would enjoy.  Since I use Google Chrome, I checked it out.  Sure enough, using the Buffer icon, I can share web content without having to log in to Twitter, Triberr, or Hootsuite.

Are you ready for this.  I can log in to Google Reader, scan or read all the blog posts I subscribe to, share them through Buffer, and support my blogging friends, all from one application that has already downloaded the blog posts so I don't have to wait for them to load individually.  Doesn't that sound like heaven?  It does to me.

I have been organizing today, so I can't tell you for sure that Google Reader and Buffer will deliver on what it appears to be promising, but I'm hopeful.  I'll give it a week or so, and then let you know what I think.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Do you have any technology or applications that save you a ton of time?  Please, please, do share!

Happy New Year - Let's Get This Party Started!

I thought I would do a quick New Years Eve post about the small additions I made to the blog.  I have seen several blogs (like Trisha at Word + Stuff) that have their goals listed on a page of their blog. 

I thought this was a great idea and decided to jump onto the bandwagon.  I made a goal page of my own and came up with a list of goals for 2012, so if you're interested about what I'm doing (or how I'm doing) feel free to check it out.

Amazingly, Yoda tweeted me today with the quote about "Try not. Do or do not." I have heard the quote used many times in writerly circles, but it was so fitting that the message would be sent to me on New Years Eve when I'm looking forward to goals of 2012 that I made it part of my page.  If you want Yoda to tweet you, put a hashtag (#Yoda) at the end of a tweet and the Yoda-bot will pick it up and tweet you.  It's pretty cool!

Finally, I would like to say a big "Thank You" to all of you who come and read what I have to say, follow this blog, or follow me on twitter.  I have had a wonderful 2011, and have made several new friends, thanks to you all.  I look forward to seeing what 2012 has to bring with you!



Happy New Year!! 

Embarrassment by Twitter

The Easily Flushed Blog Hop, hosted by  Cassie Mae at Reading, Writing and Lovin' It, begins on December 6th.  She is hosting the blog hop to celebrate attracting over one-hundred followers on her blog (Yay, Cassie!) and then also will be giving away a $10 Amazon gift-card to a lucky participant of the blog-hop.  Click here to learn the details of how to participate in the hop, or to go ahead and register your blog.  You can also click the picture of the embarrassed polar bear.

One of the participation requirements of this blog hop is to share an embarrassing story of yourself, or of one of your characters.  Initially I had planned to write about the heroine of my novel, Hazel, but I don't think it would translate well out of context, so you will all have to settle for my own story.

This is where it gets hard, though.  You see, embarrassment is a way of life for me.  It is so much a way of life that I have stopped getting upset over the typical, run of the mill embarrassing situations.  I regularly say the wrong thing, trip over my words, or just plain trip, for that matter.  I have learned how to mentally wave it off, make a joke of it, or to take preventative measures by keeping my mouth shut in most social situations.

I have moved my embarrassment into new and different realms.  Twitter, Facebook and even blogging provides a whole new arena in which I have no choice but to open my mouth, into which I unfortunately end up inserting my foot.  I try very hard to think about how what I say might sound to the receiver, but every once in a while a poorly turned phrase slips past my carefully constructed defenses.
A couple of weeks after I started tweeting, I encountered an author by the name of Colin Falconer.  He has written more than thirty books, writes historical fiction, and lives in Australia.  His blog is Looking for Mr. Goodstory, and I recommend checking it out because his posts always make me laugh or make me think.  On Twitter he was one of very few people who followed me early on, and I enjoyed the links he posted about history.  One of those links was to a web article about the Romans. 

I laughed, I cried... Well, not really, but I did enjoy the article.  I tweeted back to Mr. Falconer that "I especially enjoyed number one."   

Number one is an extremely vulgar, sexual poem that Catullus the XVI wrote in first century Rome. It was only after I hit send that it occurred to me that I had just commented to a man I barely knew that I had "especially" enjoyed a poem with explicit sexual content.  Granted, I certainly didn't enjoy it for the sexual content.  The sexual content is so over the top that it totally cracked me up, which is why I tweeted that I "especially" enjoyed number one.  It made me laugh.  However, Mr. Falconer wouldn't know that from the tweet, and neither would the hundreds of his other followers since I had replied in such a way that everyone could read it.  I felt a little sick, I must admit.  Here I am trying to build a platform, and I start off by looking like a pervert.

I was so embarrassed that I couldn't even talk to anyone about what to do to repair the situation.  I couldn't tell my husband, who is my social filter much of the time, what I had done.  It wasn't that he'd be mad, but he'd be embarrassed for me, which would heap burning coals upon my own embarrassment.

I decided to direct message an apology.  I am happy to say that Mr. Falconer was quite gracious, for which he earned my undying loyalty on Twitter.  Since that incident, I am extremely careful about what I say in my one hundred forty characters.  I also stick to G-rated retweets, no matter how funny I find those with a rating further down the alphabet!

Do you have an embarrassing twitter story you would like to share?  Feel free to do so in the comments section!

Twitterstruck

Twitter scares me.  I can be honest about it.  It is for that reason that, when I entered the social media stream two summers ago, I decided to wait on Twitter.  I focused on creating a blog and joining Facebook.  Over the last year, I have read numerous articles about Twitter.  The number of authors who mention Twitter as one of the most important ways they connect to others indicates it is an important social media tool to use.  In August, I read a fabulous two-part blog post over at Writer Unboxed by Nina Badzin, called the Art and Science of Twitter  (which you can find part 1 here and part 2 here).  I felt ready to take the plunge.  I got a twitter handle and jumped into the Twitter stream.

I was wonderfully surprised to find Nina there to meet me.   She gave me some pointers on my profile and even generously followed me, so I wouldn’t be talking to myself in cyberspace.  Personally, I think she deserves a place in heaven just for being so kind to me!  I set up twelve people to follow, and put out a tweet.  I have since tweeted eight times over the last several weeks, and retweeted once.  I have four followers, and I don’t know what to say to them.  The Twitter current is slowly pushing me to the shores of the Twitter stream.  But I’m not going to go down without a fight.

I have noticed all of the people I am following are big name people.  While that is wonderful, because I feel like I am listening in on a conversation Neil Gaiman or Prof. Brian Cox are having with some “other person,” it also is terrible, because I am not going to interrupt that conversation.  There is no way I am going to break into their stream and start responding.  I don’t even know if I am allowed to!

I have decided that I need to follow more people with whom I can have a conversation.  I need to find people of like interests that I am not afraid to approach.  To that end, I am going to search out Twitter users who are more “normal.”  Also, if any of you, gentle readers J, would like a follower, please let me know and I would be happy to follow you.

I also am going to go back to Nina Badzin’s blog and read everything she has about Twitter.  I am convinced that I can successfully use Twitter to reach out and communicate with others.  I am just starting the trek up the sharp side of the learning curve.  Hope to see you soon on the Twitter stream!