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Personally, I don't know why it has to be an either/or kind of argument. It seems to me that the relationships we make on the internet are what they are, no more, no less.
Although we might like the idea of writing being solitary, it has always required relationships and partnerships. A writer has always had a relationship with the reader. Whenever I read autobiographical accounts of writers, it seems like they also had relationships (friendships) with each other. And then they had to have relationships with their publishers and agents.
I can't imagine that writers of the past (pre-internet and pre-social media) had close relationships with all these people. The relationship depended on the need for the interaction, and probably the length of the relationship, as well. Why isn't it the same for social media?
Just because we call someone a friend doesn't mean they are in the same category as the person we've known since kindergarten. We define our relationships. We make them important or not.
Social media is an introduction, an entry point for making a connection with someone else. What level of connection is up to us to decide, no different from "real life."
I view writer's relationships with each other as similar to being on an Olympic team. Sometimes Olympic athletes compete against each other, but they are still working for the greater good of the whole team. We are Team Writer, and it is the nature of the business to compete against each other. However, we can certainly have good sportsmanship. We can help each other get better, we can make those connections, and share our success with others.
Does it have to mean we are BFF's and inexorably linked until the end of time?
No. Not unless we want it to.
Our internet relationships are what they are. They are a unique-unto-themselves type of relationship. They may come and go quickly, because we don't see each other face to face. They may lead to longer and stronger friendships, or to business partnerships. It depends on the people behind the keyboard, and the connection that is made.
Interesting post! I think I sometimes feel competitive with other writers, but not because if one achieves something, a "spot" is taken that I'll be deprived of--it's more a competition with myself, since it makes me aware of the differences between where I am and where I'd like to be. I like what you said about how the relationships are what they are. They're only "fake" if we're pretending they're something more than they are. But they're pretty awesome nonetheless--because it's a community and it truly can help each individual within it.
ReplyDeleteI'm similar. I am extremely competitive, and it's mostly with myself. It isn't at all that I don't want others to succeed, I just want to be perfect!
DeleteWhen I began the platform challenge, I didn't think of the participants becoming a social media community. You can already see some members making connections that probably will continue. Others are no that active. It is an interesting dynamic.
ReplyDeleteIt has been really nice for me, as well, to see the people getting together and supporting each other. I haven't always found that to be the case. Many times it's more of a "what's in it for me" dynamic.
DeleteThanks Lara and also to Michelle and Colleen for their comments. I like what has been said and would like to pass this on to a good friend of mine here in Johannesburg who has only today joined MNINB with Robert's ok as a late joiner. Gwynne would appreciate these wise words. My feeling as someone who is so new to all of this, is that it social media will continue to evolve and on my side I am sure I will make errors along the way. But there will come a time when I know who I want to 'follow' and from I can learn and hopefully provide something from my side, and contribute to community building.
ReplyDeleteHow nice of you to stop by, Susan! I'm glad you find the post worthy of sharing! The nice thing is that most people have been in your place at one time or another, and seem generally forgiving of "beginner errors." I am sure you have something to share. You already did by commenting here!
DeleteOh I love your analogy! (That and I'm compared to someone athletic, haha!)
ReplyDeleteSometimes the online relationships we have grow into a lasting friendship. I don't have this with all the people I interact with online, but I do have it with quite a few. Even though we've never met face to face, I know they've got my back when I'm going through crap.
Yep - that's about the only way I'll be linked to anything Olympic, or athletic!
DeleteIt's nice to find like-minded people who are able to be there. I know many people whose online writing friendships are the only access they have to other writers. I don't understand why those relationships are considered less than, just because they started on a computer.
I think online relationships mean more to readers and writers. I can't tell you enough how important it is for me to have something to read, something a little more substantial than just comments and/or likes on Facebook, etc. That's why blogging is so important.
ReplyDeleteWe each have a different flavor, story, concept to share with one another and I like that. I think for readers and writers, the social media (especially the blogosphere) platform is eons better than what they must have had pre-internet. I can't even imagine not having the support of fellow readers and writers I have out here.
Great post and reminder that we're all part of something bigger. :)
Great point about writers and readers. I have never been so involved on the internet since starting a blog and getting on twitter. I actually am pretty technologically slow. As writers, having the access to new and updated writing is great!
DeleteOh, and I fed your fish, again. They looked hungry. lol
ReplyDeleteGood thing! My kids haven't been on the blog in a while. The fish were probably really hungry!
DeleteAs a kid I had pen pals as friend (via real writing--not e-mail). And I considered them friends, even though I never met them. I'm no longer friends with any of them, but it served a purpose back then. Friendship is what you make of it.
ReplyDeleteMost of my closest friends have moved away these last few years. One I talk/text to on the phone a lot. One I talk to occasionally and see every few months. But the other I correspond via e-mail. But we're still friends even though we don't physically see each other anymore. Every friendship is different and I'm glad to be making new friends online, cause there are a lot of great people out there I'm glad to know..
I made the connection to pen pals, too! I think that's one reason why I don't get so freaked out with never meeting people to start a friendship. I have been friends with a friend from Germany for 25 years. I do think of him as a friend, although I've only met him personally once.
DeleteWhen I read 'social media, I only think of facebook and twitter. Go figure. I guess blogs and such are social media, too.
ReplyDeleteAbout twelve years ago, I joined a group of 'like-minded' folks on a website. We became fast friends. Luckily, I've been able to meet quite a few.
I have just come into the blogging world. I kept to myself at the beginning, but soon discovered some other sites that were quite interesting. I became a follower of about twelve. (I don't want to get too many - I want to be able to read them all.) I didn't chose to follow to become friends or to compete, but to learn. I'm learning and starting to feel part of a community. I doubt I'll ever meet any of you, however, I'm glad I've 'met' you.
I hope I didn't sound all serious about the compete part. I much prefer the friendly side of social media/blogging!
DeleteI've learned that there are different levels of these "relationships." Which is the same in everything else. Some people are acquaintances, some are more than that. And even if we only communicate over the internet, who's today we can't love and support one another? I have some people that I communicate with through social media and blogging while others have grown to email relationships with words of encouragement, laughter and more. I think it's great that we can communicate so easily with one another.
ReplyDeleteLara,
ReplyDeleteI think you are dead-on through-out your entire post. This is especially true when you mention that we are Team Writers. I think we do our readers more justice when we work and help each other as writers. A writer who has truly embraced this idea is Kristen Lamb and her idea of MyWANA: We Are Not Alone - as writers (www.warriorwriters.wordpress.com -I think). She has also written a lot about the social media platform for writers. So, I think your comparison of social relationships pre and current social media is very much the same. We make of the reltionships what we want. And as writers, I think it is in everybody's interest to help each other - because we can't do it all by ourselves!
Monique
I hadn't really networked with any other writers until I started my WANA class in January, but now that I've been doing it for a few months, I wish I'd gotten started sooner. I've been meeting some awesome and supportive people and it's been fun getting to know them better :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post and fascinating comments. and your point gives me lots to think about. thanks
ReplyDeleteNice post. I like to think pre-internet writers used snail mail to reach out to one another or owls (or something to communicate).
ReplyDeleteAwesome post, Lara. I too feel that internet relationships can be good or they can be bad. Or the good ones go bad. Anyway, I also feel that online relationships should be nurtured, not just in groups but on a more personal nature (as personal as it can get via a keyboard). I much prefer a one-on-one conversation (like the new conversation I'm having with you!). Team Writer! Love that moniker.
ReplyDeleteI like the "team" mindset as well. And I believe networking, in any format,whether in person or online,is always positive. You never know what tidbits of wisdom can come from the connection, or how you may have helped another by your communication. It's all good!
ReplyDeleteTEAM! Perfect! I thrive in a team atmosphere, maybe that's why I love blogging with fellow writers :) I would be lost without this team and hope to be part of it for a long time to come!
ReplyDelete