As all writers know, we are encouraged to build "author platforms" on as many social media sites as possible. For the introvert and the socially awkward, this can be exceedingly painful.
I've taken the Myers-Briggs Personality test, and at one time had a 50/50 split in introvert and extrovert. As I've grown older, I've slid more to the introvert side, but I still enjoy talking with and meeting new people. It's even better when I meet people who have the same interests I do, and that's the wonderful thing about social media. We are able to connect with people who are like us - for me it's people you might find at a Comic-Con or library event - but we don't have to go anywhere.
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The bad thing is that if you're socially awkward, social media can lead to Social Media Distress (SMD). SMD is the feeling that you're an idiot, have no right to interact with other people on any level, that everyone hates you and you should go eat worms.
I have identified three recurring ways I can be afflicted with Social Media Distress.
1. Where is everybody?
The feeling you are being social on social media to only yourself. I hate that feeling! Just by joining social media sites you are putting yourself out there to be ignored. Any insecurity you've ever had is magnified the moment you send your tweet or publish your post. It's like being the new kid in school, approaching the popular kids in class, and having them turn away from you.
2. Comment Diarrhea
I'm very talkative. I've had a therapist friend explain that I'm an "external processor" and I think he's right. I have to say "it" to process it and get it out of my head. It's probably why I'm a writer. However, I've had people be unkind about my inability to shut up. I've worked quite hard at learning to read bodily cues so I know when to stop. But, guess what?
You have nothing to help you out on social media. I can't see you! I don't know if your tone of voice is going "For God's sake, why doesn't she quit tweeting me!" I have no idea if I'm coming across as friendly, like some maniacal stalker, or, if I don't tweet back, as some arrogant jerk. Couple that with an Italian Grandmother who drilled it into me that we must be mannerly (How in God's name does one end a twitter conversation without being rude?), and social media conversations can totally set off an anxiety attack.
The sad thing? I love, love, love talking with people on twitter. I've met some really interesting people, but I don't want to freak anyone out by being too friendly. Does anyone know of some kind of cue people give to let you know you don't have to respond?
3. I Really Shouldn't Have Said/Done That
A past employer said I'm guileless. Many people who know me agree, and while that's a lovely trait to have, it also means that I don't have a good filter for what should remain unsaid. Add in being an external processor, and I have trouble, with a capital T.
I know enough to not talk about the hot button topics. It's more a matter of personal transparency and self-expression. Like, I express myself poorly, and make a fool of myself doing it. The moment after I push the publish button, I usually have a flood of thoughts like: "What did I just do?" "How stupid did I just sound?" "Is anyone ever going to be able to take me seriously again?"
For me, Social Media Distress occurs because I feel misunderstood. I'm really not a maniacal stalker, idiot, or arrogant jerk. Thankfully I am not important enough for people to really get uptight, but one misstep on social media for famous people and they can really be in trouble, which I don't think is very fair.
It's taken some time to figure out how I want to use social media to augment my personal and professional life. I've focused on a few sites for different purposes, instead of trying out every site for every purpose. I've tried to relax my personal and professional expectations for social media interactions. I'm learning how to enjoy social media, instead of letting it stress me out. And, amazingly, it's working.
Do you ever get Social Media Distress?
Do you have any tricks that helped you get over it?
Aloha, fellow Lara! This is a perfect post. I believe many folks are feeling this one. I am going to share it to the Google Plus Community and then share it again to the Public. I think EVERYONE is stressed because...right when you think you have the steps right, it all changes up again. Always good to pack posse. Until we all have 360 degree vision in multiple dimensions...oooh, sounds like a scifi starter. Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year back! I was hoping I wasn't alone with SMD. The rules do seem to change quickly for social media, don't they. I think that's part of the reason I've started thinking of it more on what am I able to do, instead of trying to do it all. :) Thanks for reading!
DeleteI've never noticed anything odd from you on FB or here. But there are bloggers who can ramble on about nothing for 500-100 words, and people who really overshare on FB. But what can you do? It takes all kinds. ;)
ReplyDeleteWell, that does make me feel better, Lexa! If you haven't noticed any severe awkwardness, I may be doing a fine job of compensating for SMD. :D
DeleteIt does take all kinds, and I totally am kinder to others than I am to myself. That's kind of typical, though, for most people, I think.
I agree with Lexa. The people I wish would go away are the ones who post that they're at such-and-such restaurant or they're driving down the street or they're going number 2 or whatever. Who cares?
DeleteGreat post, Lara. Glad you have figured out a social media way-of-being that works for you. Sometimes I feel like giving it all up, but I keep plugging.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I have it all figured out, but I'm closer, maybe. :) Keeping plugging is sometimes all we can do. You're in good company. :)
DeleteI get the whole social media anxiety. I had to stop thinking in terms of other people as an audience and I started treating my social media platforms as my eyes into my soul. What do I want people to know about me? I also use it to share with friends and family (photos, videos, etc.)
ReplyDeleteThat's a good way to look at it. I think that's where I've gotten to. I've found enough people that aren't writers worried about building their own platform to talk with that it's not about building a platform, but about just sharing things. It's much nicer than all the stress I came to social media with.
DeleteI did at first and I still scratch my head about it sometimes. But I just do what I can and don't worry about the rest. I don't have time.
ReplyDeleteWe can only do what we can do. :)
DeleteI've never seen anything inappropriate from you. So far as the self-doubts go, I imagine the most secure among us have those from time to time. Don't let them bother you. You are a warm, wonderful friend, and you're speaking to friends both here and on social media.
ReplyDeleteYou're so nice, yourself, David. :) I really appreciate the friends I've met by way of social media. Some of the nicest people!
DeletePrior to learning that, as a writer, I was supposed to be on social media I had never commented on a blog or even glanced at twitter. The first several months of blogging, tweeting, and trying to connect with others was a roller coaster of excitement and anxiety for me. I made typos on blog comments and agonized over them for days, tried to comment on every single site of every single person I met on twitter, and sometimes it was fun, but it also became exhausting. I think I've achieved a better balance, but now I have more of the "Where is everybody?" feeling. It's my own fault since I'm not doing as good a job at interacting regularly (especially on twitter) but I'm a little more sane. I can totally relate to your feelings in this post and, for the record, I think you do a great job!
ReplyDeleteThat is a concern, huh? When we back off, it's worrisome that there might not be anyone when we come back. I think the key is to do a little, faithfully, unless you really enjoy what you're doing and then you can tweet or facebook however much you want! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has these fears, and thanks for the vote of confidence. :)
DeleteYour #2 totally made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteThe whole ending the conversation thing is hard. Twitter or FB or whatever. That's the thing to remember w/social media. I don't think you have to acknowledge everything. Of course questions, but that's not what I mean. It's not always necessary to put a LOL or a That's so true or whatever when someone replies to you, but I always feel like I should be doing that.
It's not that I have to always have the last word, it more like I feel like they need to know I saw what they said.
Oh the fun of social media. :)
I think your post about the "liking" of things got me thinking. :) The favorite button on twitter has become my friend. At least that way I can feel like I at least said goodbye or thanks or something. I totally understand that you don't want the last word, but you just are trying to be polite, and social media doesn't have rules for that kind of thing!
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