This blog post has been thumping around my head, wanting to get out, for about three weeks. It was about three weeks ago that I realized I wasn't going to be able to pitch Finding Meara at the conference. I'd edited twenty-five pages in about a month, and discouragement camped in the dark recesses of my mind, waiting for any opportunity to point out that I hadn't achieved my goal.
One day, when I was complaining (again) about how I'd screwed up my timeline by messing around at various points in the last year and a half, my Very Wise Husband (no, he's not paying me to call him that) said "How about if it gets done when it gets done?"
I didn't quite catch on immediately, but the seeds for this post were laid in that moment.
Growing up, my mother always said that if she had to fight too hard for something, it probably wasn't the right time for whatever it was she wanted. She always told me to relax in those moments, and everything would work out for the best.
I have to say that her advice has been sound. I've felt I've had good luck with my life (or lots of blessings, or good Karma, whatever you want to call it.) For some reason I don't do so good at the letting go when it comes to writing.
Perhaps it's because I've read all kinds of success stories that have colored my view of how this writing journey is supposed to go. Letting go of my perceptions of what I have to do in order to become a successful writer, blogger, and platform builder, is darn scary! I fear that if I relax my writing timeline, I will surely be a writing failure.
I don't know about you, but I can't worry constantly. I try very hard to do so, but eventually I worry myself out, and I have to take a break. The best thing about my worry breaks is that I am forced to let go, and see my worry from a different, more distant perspective.
During my last worry break, what my husband said to me finally sunk in. I figured out (mostly) what this quote says perfectly:
"Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary it means accepting it as it comes. . . . To accept is to say yes to life in its entirety." Paul Tournier
If I accept that I am where I am in my writing (dare I say it?) career, and that is just how it is, I'm not giving up on anything. I will still write and achieve goals I set. All I'm doing is changing my perspective, and my attitude.
George Orwell said "Happiness can exist only in acceptance." When I'm worrying over every little decision I made, that put me where I am today, I am not happy. I'm cranky...and frustrated...and probably not very fun to be around.
Plus, I start contemplating if all the stress and hard work is worth it, what's the cost/benefit analysis. I start wondering if I should just quit. Writing isn't creative and uplifting. It becomes a source of fear and worry.
That's not who I want to be, and that's not what I want writing to be in my life.
So, I made a choice.
I decided to accept where I am, and what I have done so far.
I decided to accept that I'll not pitch Finding Meara at the conference, but it was okay. I'll be able to really get the manuscript ready to go out for querying. And maybe the timing will be right, because I'm not forcing my will upon the cosmos (or God, or the powers that be, whatever you want to call it.)
One tidbit of advice to writing success I've read all over, from multiple sources, states that we must persevere. Perseverance without acceptance can be pretty short. In order to have longevity in anything, we have to have a certain amount of patience. Acceptance leads to patience, which then allows us to persevere. And then we can be happy... or at least peaceful.
How do you handle when you get frustrated with yourself? Do you have any tips you'd like to share?
