That Which Makes You Happy

Would you say you're generally happy?


via GIPHY

Or do you feel that you have to wait for something to happen before you can be really happy. Some people do feel that way, right? They may be happy, but they won't be really happy until such and such happens.


via GIPHY

I remember being in high school and thinking I wouldn't be really happy until I met my soul mate. Very typical romanticism for the age, I suppose. I didn't meet the man who eventually became my husband until I was twenty-six, and even then we didn't get married until I was thirty-one. Between the years of sixteen and thirty-one, several circumstances clued me in to the fact I could be content with my life as it was. I didn't need to wait for something or someone to make me happy.

Reading the Sacrament of the Present Moment by Jean Pierre de Caussade helped me understand I have the power to be happy myself. While I can't honestly say I remember any specifics, I do remember being impressed overall about not wishing for the future, but rather appreciating the present. It probably was the beginning of my journey in regards to mindfulness.

Also, my sister died when I was twenty-nine (a year or so before I was married.) Although she was sick with Multiple Sclerosis, it was a huge shock when she died. It probably sounds trite, but her death at thirty-two made me realize my mortality. I still am very aware that no one of us is guaranteed another year, another day or even another breath. If we don't enjoy each moment we have, then we are potentially missing out on having the best last day of our lives.

When thinking about what makes me happy, I could just list "family" or "children" and that would be true. But there's so much more in each moment, so many specific things that make me happy, that I would remiss to make such a sloppy list of generalities. So, forgive me if the list is a little weird...

My non-exhaustive list of things that make me happy (in no particular order):

Warm, squishy hugs

Listening to Boy 2 laugh with delight

Being around trees

The way my hand fits inside my husband's

Holding my husband's hand when we go on trips

Boy 1's smile

Being outside in general

When nature looks like a Bob Ross painting

When I'm writing and am hit with inspiration

Listening to beautiful music (Right now I love David Nevue)

Listening to my children play music on the piano and cello

Listening to Tom Hiddleston read poetry (haven't done that in a while, but it does make me happy.)

Being helpful

Watching Troll Hunters, Doctor Who, Murdoch Mysteries, Murder She Wrote, Monk with my family

Going for walks with my family

Playing Tennis and riding my bicycle

The feel of the breeze on my face and pushing back my hair

When my dogs grunt with happiness when I rub their ears and/or tails
Picking out books from the library

I could go on, but I really need to go to bed. I kind of forgot I was blogging again until 8:30 on Sunday night, and so am writing this rather quickly!

What specifically makes you happy?

Mindfulness Monday: Smiling

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile,

Sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.

~Thich Nhat Hanh

Taking Control of Your Memories

Did you know we can trick our brains? Our memories are so powerful that if we remember mindfully, really re-live each detail of a memory, we can re-experience the emotions contained within. If we can mindfully remember a joyful memory, we can trick our brain to feeling happy.

The reverse is true, as well. When we dwell on bad memories, replay depressing/frustrating life moments over and over again in our heads, we find ourselves feeling sad. It's a negative feedback loop that ends up making us feel worse and worse.

This is why it's important to learn to be aware of what we are thinking about, and then make a choice. We can control our brains and our feelings, and let our smile be the source of our joy.

And Sometimes Your Smile Is The Source of Other People's Joy

We are born with Mirror Neurons, which are brain cells that scientists believe are key to learning by mimicry, and to developing understanding of other's actions and emotions (empathy.) When we smile at others, or see others smile at us, it activates these neurons, and we vicariously experience the emotions that cause us to smile. Mirror Neurons are why we feel happy when we see other happy people. So, by smiling we not only spread happy feelings, but we also feel better ourselves, because we are drawing happiness to us. We are able to change our environment simply by smiling.

Give It a Try

If you're not feeling much like smiling, I suggest mindfully remembering a happy memory. Mindfully remembering is not like playing a movie of the moment in your head. It's reliving each detail.

• Where were you?
• What did the scenery around you look like? What colors were there? What was the weather like? Was it sunny or cloudy? Warm or cold?
• What could you see? Hear? Smell? Touch?
• Who was there with you? Take a moment to really see their faces.

Use these prompts to remember each moment of the memory. If you move from one place to another, or a new person comes into the memory, use the prompts over again to really place yourself in the moment. I am confident that it won't be long and you'll be smiling, maybe without even realizing it.

What makes you smile?

Do You Believe In Luck?

Photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Karma. Fate. Kismet. Luck. Blessings.  Coincidence.

What is luck, exactly?

At first glance luck appears to be getting what we want when we want it, through extraordinary means.  The happy coincidence.  The answered prayer.

But what about the "dodge a bullet" kind of luck?  We don't get what we want, but it turns out we were saved from ourselves and our misguided desires.

Some people make their own bad luck, but then I also have known people who appear to just be unlucky.  Weird, unexplainable things occur to them that drive the luck-o-meter needle into the bad luck zone.  And it happens over and over again to perfectly nice people making good choices.

It used to be people blamed the Gods (or God) for bad luck.  The story of Job, the poor man whom God allowed to be tested for steadfastness of faith comes to mind.  Even in Roman and Greek tradition, the Gods would smite those poor mortal souls who angered them or who were found wanting in their devotions.

My life has been pretty blessed.  Unusually so, actually.  (I feel compelled to say "knock on wood" so as to maintain the status quo.  I am not ashamed to admit I'm a little superstitious.)  The only Bad Thing that rocked my world was the death of my sister.  Otherwise, bad things have happened, but we weathered them to see the rainbow after the rain.

I feel so lucky/blessed to be where I am now.  I was able to go to college, I have a well paying job, a husband who is perfect for me, and two lovely and healthy children. My parents live a mile away and watch my children while I'm at work. 

Photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It's not so much that I believe in luck as the maker of all things good. Quite honestly, I believe hard work is a lot more indicative of success.  But, it seems that in any endeavor there is at least a smidgen of luck required to have that big payoff.

Lately I've been wondering if there is a quota of luck.  If, eventually, the luck pot runs out.

Maybe luck is all in how we view the world and occurrences around us.  Positive thoughts yield happy people and so life isn't any different for "lucky" people, they just feel better about their life as it unfolds.

What do you think?  Do you believe in luck?  Do you feel lucky?  What do you think luck is?

What's Perseverance Without Acceptance?

This blog post has been thumping around my head, wanting to get out, for about three weeks.  It was about three weeks ago that I realized I wasn't going to be able to pitch Finding Meara at the conference.  I'd edited twenty-five pages in about a month, and discouragement camped in the dark recesses of my mind, waiting for any opportunity to point out that I hadn't achieved my goal.

Photo by dan

One day, when I was complaining (again) about how I'd screwed up my timeline by messing around at various points in the last year and a half, my Very Wise Husband (no, he's not paying me to call him that) said "How about if it gets done when it gets done?"

I didn't quite catch on immediately, but the seeds for this post were laid in that moment.

Growing up, my mother always said that if she had to fight too hard for something, it probably wasn't the right time for whatever it was she wanted.  She always told me to relax in those moments, and everything would work out for the best.

I have to say that her advice has been sound.  I've felt I've had good luck with my life (or lots of blessings, or good Karma, whatever you want to call it.)  For some reason I don't do so good at the letting go when it comes to writing.

Perhaps it's because I've read all kinds of success stories that have colored my view of how this writing journey is supposed to go.  Letting go of my perceptions of what I have to do in order to become a successful writer, blogger, and platform builder, is darn scary!  I fear that if I relax my writing timeline, I will surely be a writing failure.

I don't know about you, but I can't worry constantly.  I try very hard to do so, but eventually I worry myself out, and I have to take a break.  The best thing about my worry breaks is that I am forced to let go, and see my worry from a different, more distant perspective.  

During my last worry break, what my husband said to me finally sunk in.  I figured out (mostly) what this quote says perfectly:


"Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle.  On the contrary it means accepting it as it comes. . . .  To accept is to say yes to life in its entirety."  Paul Tournier


If I accept that I am where I am in my writing (dare I say it?) career, and that is just how it is, I'm not giving up on anything.  I will still write and achieve goals I set.  All I'm doing is changing my perspective, and my attitude.  


George Orwell said "Happiness can exist only in acceptance."  When I'm worrying over every little decision I made, that put me where I am today, I am not happy.  I'm cranky...and frustrated...and probably not very fun to be around.


Plus, I start contemplating if all the stress and hard work is worth it, what's the cost/benefit analysis.  I start wondering if I should just quit.  Writing isn't creative and uplifting.  It becomes a source of fear and worry.

Photo by prozac1

That's not who I want to be, and that's not what I want writing to be in my life.


So, I made a choice.  


I decided to accept where I am, and what I have done so far.  




I decided to accept that I'll not pitch Finding Meara at the conference, but it was okay.  I'll be able to really get the manuscript ready to go out for querying.  And maybe the timing will be right, because I'm not forcing my will upon the cosmos (or God, or the powers that be, whatever you want to call it.)



One tidbit of advice to writing success I've read all over, from multiple sources, states that we must persevere.  Perseverance without acceptance can be pretty short.  In order to have longevity in anything, we have to have a certain amount of patience.  Acceptance leads to patience, which then allows us to persevere.  And then we can be happy... or at least peaceful.


How do you handle when you get frustrated with yourself?  Do you have any tips you'd like to share?