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Since the end of June, I have been working on organizing my house. Are you wondering why I am telling you this? Well, partially because it is my excuse for not having the drawing when I should have, but also because it got me thinking about what writing is for me.
The roles I "play" are pretty varied. I work as a social worker in a Title 1 school, so I get to see some pretty sad families and children. I struggle at times with my own parenting, especially when I can't get my children to stop talking about poop, pee, diapers (what is THAT about), or passing gas (out of either end.) My husband is taking classes for his second masters, my parents are getting older and starting to have health issues. My nephew has Asperger's Syndrome and I worry every day that the kids at school will pick on him, yet again.
This is my life. Don't get me wrong. I love it, and feel so fortunate to have a well-paying job, two healthy children, parents who live nearby and I can see daily, a husband who "gets" me, and my nephew close by. It's just that writing doesn't seem like reality.
What Writing is to Me
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| Photo by Brenda Starr |
Writing is a "want to" not a "have to." I want to write great, well-constructed stories. I want to have them published in a place that will allow other people to find them and read them. I want to have people enjoy my stories, and want to read more. But when it comes down to it, I will survive if none of that happens.
Because of the type of person I am, I am going to do whatever I can to get to the place I want to be. I'm going to write. I'm going to achieve the goals I set before myself, which act as signposts to the final goal of (hopefully) becoming a full-time writer. But by realizing that I don't have to be writing, blogging, tweeting, etc..., a lot of pressure has gone away.
Where Has All the Pressure Gone?
Beats me! But, I'm happier for it. I am writing a story that I find interesting. I'm doing my best to get around to read everyone's fine blogs, but not worrying if I don't make it or can't think of a witty comment. I'm feeling more relaxed than I have in the three years I've been writing fiction. I'm not stressing over -- okay, not stressing as much -- about getting published.
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It's All About the Love
What I love about being a writer is the sense of other-worldliness I get when I write. For the amount of time I'm plotting, or writing a scene, I get to be whomever I want, and go wherever I want. I have some control and can right wrongs I don't get to in "real life."
Writing, for the last three years, has been sanity. It has given me an escape from the stresses of every day, and allowed my the joy of creation. It has been frustrating, and exciting, and educational. I've learned a ton about the craft of writing, but most of all, I've learned a ton about myself. I do love writing, and I don't think I will ever stop, even if I never get published.
Have you had any epiphanies lately you'd like to share?
Great post, Lara. How I see writing has changed as well. I really want to get it right, ya know? I love what I do, and I hate feeling pressured to be published. Then again, setting goals is good. The balance between the two can be tricky. But you're right, it's all about the love!
ReplyDeleteYeah - that balance swings around a lot. I'm hopeful this time I might have a good enough grasp on keeping myself on the straight and narrow without stressing myself out that it'll "take." :) I guess we'll have to wait and see!
DeleteI hear you with this one! Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves we don't actually achieve anything or more importantly, enjoy it! Take care.
ReplyDeleteYou are wise! I think some pressure is good, but if it gets to the point where it actually stops us from writing, or enjoying the enjoyable parts of writing, then something has to give!
DeleteAmen, Lara! Finding peace within the process, and in its benefits, and the companionship of others, then letting go of the outcome, and discarding anything that brings negativity to it. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteI bet it's something you figured out a long time ago, huh?! :) It might be just part of the writer's journey, I don't know. Not freaking out over every little thing sure feels good, though.
DeleteGood for you!! I'm in that same "want to" not "have to" camp. I think it's important to remember for our spouses, kids, friends, family, etc, that we have other aspects of our lives that need and deserve attention. And of course we can't "starve" the writer side either. Balance I guess--which is of course easier said than done. I find I have days (like today) when I'm all over social media, and entire days when I don't check Twitter or FB even once. I guess that it's own kind of balance.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you inspired me! I've never wanted writing to become such an time suck that I put it before my family. Finding the balance is tough, especially with that social media stuff thrown in. I think my priorities lie first in family, then writing and then social media. However, I do view some of those social media commitments as friendships, so I haven't really figured out how to do them justice along with everything else. I'm sure it'll come. :)
DeleteYeah, letting go of all those "shoulds" takes a load off and actually makes it easier to focus on the stuff you really want and need to do. Hope you continue to find your writing a place of sanctuary. Some days that's enough.
ReplyDeleteThanks, L.G. Writing is magical and can soothe a lot of that stress, for sure.
DeleteHow cool...I won a prize :) Thank you very much, Lara.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...I haven't had any epiphanies lately, except maybe my recent discovery that I'm actually pretty good at algebra, and what's more, I actually like doing the homework. Granted I'm not up to college algebra yet, but I'm off to a good start.
Your post gives me something to think about. Lately I've been a little stressed trying to figure out how to balance the writing, blogging, and socializing with school. I might have to try our your perspective on it :)
Congratulations for learning you're good at algebra! It all is a matter of working up to where you need to be. I thought I was too stupid to do math, and then I had a teacher who actually took the time to show me how to work through the algebra word problems, and (after two hours!) it finally clicked. I realized I had the ability, it just took me more work than some other people. And maybe a different perspective.
DeleteBut, that's why it's so important to not give up on things, because you just never know what exactly it is you might need for a break through, or when that breakthrough might happen. Slow and steady wins the race, as they say!
First, sending a prayer (and a hug) for your nephew. Second, Yay for you! You have developed a wonderful sense of balance that will serve you well-- I think I'll have to teach myself to take a page from that book. And Bear Hug was terrific, right down to the surprise ending. Loved that. :D
ReplyDeleteThanks for the prayer and hug for my nephew. It's gotten better now that he's older, but I always worry about him. I was bullied in high school and it makes me sad he has even more ick he has to go through in his life.
DeleteI'm so happy you liked Bear Hug! That's the first story I ever wrote. It took forever to find a home for it! I love it, though. The surprise ending happened with a poke from the Muse... Gotta love those muses!
Since I'm working on a second draft and working through revisions, I decided second go rounds are a little like being a sculpture who might initially chisel out his idea of the statue, but then goes back to fine tune and polish his work so it is perfecto! I have a love/hate relationship with the process, but it must be done.
ReplyDeleteOops, I meant sculptor... :-)
ReplyDeleteI totally knew what you meant! It's true, somethings just aren't fun, but necessary. Good luck!
DeleteI really do not like pressure. Except two strong hands on my back when I'm aching. Boy I miss that about my ex... Pressure to publish, pressure to write witty comments on all the blogs I subscribe to - I don't let that get me. Though I follow a lot of great blogs, I do not feel the pressure to comment on every single one. Not every blog post presses my buttons.
ReplyDeleteNow, that's definitely a good pressure to consider. I do know a lot of the pressure I feel, I put on myself. Since that's the case, I totally am in control of getting rid of it too. It just takes a mindset shift...
DeleteAhhh, we have so much in common :) Our kids must be similar in ages cause "potty talk" is the end all be all of funny. "Balls" is now joining the list, excellent!
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping I can get to that point where the pressure drops away. I think it disappears more when I'm lost in the worlds I create, gotta love writing, right?! ;)
I'm sorry, I feel your pain. Mine don't know "balls" yet, but they do laugh about their "hoohaws." (two boys...)
DeleteI think that's why I love the quote by Ray Bradbury to "Stay drunk on writing, so reality can't kick you in the a$$" It's so very true.
My class schedule this summer has been a great eye opener about my juggling skills. I don't know how some folks keep up with it all, especially when you throw in full time work. Enjoy writing. You are a great writer.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Stacy. There actually is an article in the new Writer's Digest about how to juggle everything. I haven't read it yet, but it seemed pretty timely. :)
DeleteYour class schedule sounded tough! I really do think sometimes it's just a give and take. The nice thing about not being published is we get to set our own schedules for writing and how much writing we do and output each day. Let's look at it from a glass half-full perspective, right? ;0)
There are moments when I have to make myself write but, once I get into it, I usually drop into the flow. I love when I'm eager to come to the writing. When I can't wait to put pencil to paper or fingers to keyboard. Those are the awesome days. And the more I work through the hard days, the more awesome days come my way.
ReplyDeleteThose days where you just really want to get something on paper are great. When I started writing I read a book called Writing Brave and Free. They recommended writing every day for 10 min. to establish a habit of writing. When writing becomes a habit, your body (and mind) just wants to do it, and gets itchy when you don't. I have found this to be true, and so - like you said - those awesome days show up more often the more regular I am about my writing. I haven't decided, though, if editing, blogging, etc... counts for writing or if it has to be 10 min. of creative writing. I'm going to start this week with writing 10 min. to a prompt at some time of the day. I feel my creative muscles sagging because I haven't really written creatively in quite a while.
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