After much internal debate, I've decided that what I want to write about was important for me to learn. If it might help someone else to read about my experience, I decided to give the post a whirl, and see what happens.
Now, as we know, some writers have (what appears to be) lucky success. I'm not saying they don't work hard, or aren't talented. But, how many hard-working, talented writers do you know? That's right. Quite a few, huh? And what makes any one writer who has that crazy-good success better than any of the others that you know? See what I mean? For every one lucky hard-working, talented writer there are many hard-working, talented authors who just didn't have the stars align in quite the same way.
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Using this post by Leslie Ramey as a guide (Redefining Success for Self-Publishing), Finding Meara has actually done quite well when compared with the many other self-published books out there. But! I'm competitive. And each disappoint has the potential to cut me to the very depths of my writer's ego.
And the truth of writing is the majority of authors are going to be disappointed over something, sometime. Maybe even frequently disappointed. Heck, even those with crazy-good success blog and post on Facebook about how disappointed they are with something that would make 99% of other writers drool. (Can I just say how irritating that is...)
My point is that there are bound to be disappointments. Maybe forever.
Sometime this summer, I finally realized all of this. And then I realized something very important.
It's just books.
All of it is not life or death. Whether I sell a zillion copies or two copies, it really won't change the important things in my life. I'll still be a wife to my dearest husband, I'll be mother to two of the quirkiest, most-lovable kids in the world. I'll still have a job as a social worker if I want it. I'll still be a daughter and an aunt, and a friend. I'll still write and create the fantastical and magical.
It's just books.
I don't know if I'll ever have crazy-good success. There's lots of people who think so - and God bless them for being hopeful and carrying me through my dark times. But the truth is, I may not. And it doesn't mean anything more than the time didn't come. It doesn't mean that I was untalented. It doesn't mean that I didn't work hard enough. It doesn't mean I failed. It means nothing at all, because...
It's just books.
This is one of the hardest things I struggle with. Not that I work hard and haven't yet been published, but that everyone around me (non-writers) has only that one yardstick to measure my success by. It's not enough to tell them I enjoy writing, that I can self-publish if I choose. To the "others" in my life I must be published (no doubt by Random House) to make all the effort I've put into writing "worth it". I have no idea if that will ever happen.
ReplyDeleteHey, L.G. Yes, it's something I'm constantly having to readjust in myself. That competitive streak just won't let me go. And a large part of my insecurities come from the pressure I feel (whether it's real or not) from outside of myself. "Do people think I'm failing?" Being a writer is hard!!
ReplyDeleteYou're awesome for being mature enough to realize this and brave enough to post it. People run around chasing money, fame, and success. But what about happiness? People forget about appreciating what they have and aiming for -- not a million dollars, not a place on the bestseller list -- but happiness. And yes, publishing success is mostly luck. Don't pull your hair out if you don't hit some imagined goal. Just keep doing what makes you happy. I am. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lexa, for commenting, and for being understanding. "Just keep doing what makes you happy" is good advice, and I think why I decided to write the post. For me, being a twisted up knot of emotion is definitely not fun! The thought that there might be someone else who might need some support to step away from the pressure and "just do what makes you happy" made me decide to take the risk. I'm really glad you're at a balanced place in your writing career. :)
DeleteI've decided to define success for my own writing like this: if I can put out good stories that I'm proud of, and I have an audience that likes to read them--even if it's just a tiny audience--then I'll be successful. Sure, I wouldn't turn up my nose at buckets of wealth and movies deals, but that would just be a nice bonus to the real reason that I write--I have stories I need to tell.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's so much fun telling them! And you have some great stories, so I'm 100% sure you'll have more than a tiny audience. But, you're guaranteed at least one - ME!
DeleteBeing a writer is hard! My two-cents: You are doing great! Keep writing. This is a funny business. So much waiting and rejection and then success intermingled in a big ball of chance, hope, and hard work. Comparison to others really steals a lot of the joy out of life. Keep writing, please (I asked politely).
ReplyDeleteThank you, you wonderful one of the people keeping me up in my dark times. :)
DeleteYes, that comparison thing is really not smart. In my case, I don't even really know where it came from. Maybe from being the youngest child? Hmmm...
Did I tell you how much I like your new headshot? :D
Lara, I've felt for a long time that it was just an article, a book, a poem. Good for you that you don't let it stop you. I'm not competitive and I do let it stop me. I know all the work involved in writing a book, an article, a story and I let myself think it isn't worth it. I've been thinking lately that all this platform building has not been a good thing as far as my writing is concerned. I'm at a turning point now, but haven't figured out the way I'm going to turn. I want to write for the enjoyment of it (as I used to do) and stop thinking about platforms, etc. My age also figures into my thinking, I think. I'm no longer young and so don't have as much time to spend on writing in order to be a success. I appreciate your post. I wish you all the best in all aspects of your life.
ReplyDeleteWell, and that's exactly the kicker. What it takes to write the story is often much more enjoyable than ensuring it's read by other people! Please start writing for enjoyment again - because that's where the magic is. :)
DeleteYes, it is. But it's also a facet of who you are, a part of your identity. For a while, as we write, we assume that persona, fall in love, suffer withdrawal when it's over, and then we learn to embrace the other facets again--to find the balance. Writing is seductive, and addictive. It creates life, and gives us unbelievable power, and then we go wash the dishes. lol. It's a hard act to follow.
ReplyDeleteKeep dreaming the dream, my friend. You on a good path and you're not alone. :)
"It creates life, and gives us unbelievable power, and then we go wash the dishes." You made me laugh! It is kind of a let down, huh? And being writers, I think we naturally are dreamers and so it's hard to keep in mind that the dream is something to shoot for, but we (hopefully) already have good stuff in our real lives (those important things like relationships and friends and family.)
DeleteSo right,Lara! We all wish for success, but truth be told, it's my love of family and friends that keep me ticking...
ReplyDeleteI'm really happy for mine. :)
DeleteYou're absolutely right, Lara. I'd love for my Fancy novellas to become best-sellers, but if they all languish, I'll still be a husband, father and grandfather to some pretty awesome people.
ReplyDeleteI think this attitude is something even wildly successful people discover along the way if they are truly mature. I've heard golfers who make millions annually talk about how the illness of someone's child or the loss of a loved one or some other tragic thing reminded them that golf is, after all, just a game.
I like that, about the golf. I suppose anyone can need that attitude readjustment. :) Thanks for coming by and commenting!
DeleteDitto on everything you've said! I've worked for decades to accomplish what I have with my writing. While I've done a lot of the things I originally set out to accomplish, I've also had many disappointments. I'd love my books to suddenly become mega hits and sell zillions of copies, But at where I'm at in my life's journey, I don't believe that crazy success will ever be mine. Especially this past year, I've come to many of the conclusions you've mentioned in this post, Lara. While I still love the writing process, I also feel blessed to have good family around me, a great job, great husband and a zest for life that makes me enjoy everything I have. The epitome of what I've accomplished is instilling a love of reading and writing in my little granddaughters. When we get together, we'll laugh and enjoy each other's company and discuss our latest stories and plots. Because at 9 and 11, they are also writing books. Now my secret hope is that if they pursue a writing career someday, they will achieve the heights of publishing success I haven't. I like to think my love of books and writing will continue on through them.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have so many good things to celebrate. :) It's the company along the journey that makes the difference, I think. It's very nice you have good company.
DeleteYup. I've come to that place too. And I think it's good. Keeps things real. Keeps it all in its proper perspective.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ruth, for commenting. I really like "Keeps things real." Exactly right.
DeleteIt is an important thing to remember, so that we don't take ourselves so seriously that we're afraid to take chances. It's also important not to lose the vision of what we hope it could become, so that we keep striving. What a tough balancing act. I had another author make the comment once that "Even when you make it, you don't really make it." There's always something more we want and I think it's so important to slow down every once in a while and remind ourselves, this is just a story. It's important to follow our dreams but not lose our sanity along the way. Great post, Lara.
ReplyDeleteHi, Nicole! Thanks for stopping by, and you bring up an important point. If everything isn't so darn serious, we can take risks that may improve our writing. That's definitely another thing I do. I freeze up when I am afraid my writing is not "right," and when I'm stressing over whether or not I'll ever have crazy-good success, I'm really worried about getting it "right."
DeleteGreat post. It was fun to read the comments on the passive voice site too. You certainly stirred up some controversy there. :) It'd be interesting to know what people's backgrounds are who made the comments to see where they're coming from. Like the ones who say they can't fail because writing is their living. I wonder if they just write novels or if they do all sorts of writing: magazine, short story, newspaper...
ReplyDeleteWriting books is one of the few jobs that you don't get paid for right away. And you're not guaranteed any certain amount. Other than maybe artists, I can't think of any job off hand where you won't get paid for your work for anywhere from 3 months (self pub if you can kick it out that quickly) to almost two years if traditionally published. You can't make a living doing that until you've got several stories under your belt and are continuously successful at doing so.
Writing can be a career, but it's like any other in the way that it's a job. You shouldn't totally sacrifice yourself and your family--or other things important like you mentioned above--for the sake of your job. Yes, everybody has sacrifices they have to make, but it's about finding a balance because I don't want to die and have them put 'writer' on my grave. I want wife, mother (daughter, sister, friend...) on it because those things are more important than being a writer.
I was rather surprised by the controversy! I did feel like some misunderstood the meaning of my post, but that's okay. Putting our own subjective spin on things is how we all read. But you totally got what I meant - I take writing very seriously, but I don't want to die and have 'writer' be the only thing on my grave,either. Or have my kids resentful because I was glued to the computer and didn't give them the time and attention they deserve. So, thanks for such a lovely, detailed, and understanding comment!
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